For my family, a lot of what gets a No is certain television shows. That and "unsupervised YouTube" which I saw the grandparents allowing. I appreciate content like this though because I'm sure I'll need to be aware of games like this soon enough. I'll just cherish the moments of Mario Kart we play together nowadays.
Unsupervised Youtube is definitely the one I'm most worried about. My 4 year old kiddo is into Numberblocks and started asking about Mario due to some Youtube ads, and the algorithm eventually got into custom 'dungeons' that were much creepier than any *actual* mario games.
We had a talk with them about why we're not watching those anymore and gave the app a good scrub - thankfully no more of that.
Both my 10 and 12 year old play Roblox and I mostly allow it because of what has been previously mentioned: this is their way of socialization.
We live in a town that is pretty geographically large, so arranging play dates and transporting them everywhere has a higher cost than some time on Roblox. Sure, I'd love to have the ability to send them off to play with their friends or host their friends here, but the reality is that my wife and I have full-time jobs which require attention. Sometimes we are working at home, sometimes at the office...the logistics just don't work out.
One unintended consequence of both of them dipping into the Roblox space, is that they are both more aware of each others friend groups and what dynamics are taking place. They make sure the other is being treated well and that they are treating their friends well, too. Granted, it is more the older monitoring the younger, but I do feel a general sense of increased consciousness of the social interactions that happen in that space.
I've also relented on the Robux topic. My kids get money through chores, birthdays, holidays and we've let them make decisions on how to spend that money. If they spend their money on some digital animal in Roblox, that means they can't buy that game on the Switch or the sketch book + pens they wanted. I'm on the fence about how effective that lesson has been, but I don't think it the Robux decision has been terribly detrimental. (At least not yet.)
Very insightful. I have a different perspective on this, as when I was much younger, almost 2 decades ago, I was in a similar position to this child - except for me, World of Warcraft was what I was banned from by my parents, not Roblox. WoW was what all my friends at school played, and it was how we connected. That’s why I spent so much time playing, combined with the fact that back then, the game was a fresh new world to explore, full of possibilities (and devoid of micro transactions aside from the monthly subscription fee, meaning that effort and skill more closely tied to rewards).
Years after being prohibited from playing the game, I had the opportunity to start again, in a new era and with a new set of friends. Because I had spent years away from the game, yearning to play, I felt as though I had to make up for lost time. I had more freedom in my life and nobody could tear me away ever again. A new, yet familiar addiction had taken root and this time, it went on for much longer than when I first started playing the game. I only stopped because I felt as though I had accomplished all the things I wanted to accomplish, not because of an external force pulling me away.
To put it shortly, I know that it’s hard for parents to make these kinds of decisions - your article is very clear about the thought process from a parent’s point of view and I really appreciate that. However, I do think that depending on the child, these kinds of events and decisions may have unanticipated ripple effects in the future that may be worse than the initial event. For the sake of everyone involved, I hope I’m wrong!
I think this is why my advice is to engage with the video game, understand it from their perspective. You might still come to the same conclusion, like saying "no," but at least do so with real information, rather than handwaving something you don't understand as bad.
I have said no to Roblox for my girls (10 & 7) but it really hasn't come up within their friend groups as far as I can tell, they haven't asked about playing it for a long time anyways. And really besides one exception (which I will get to in a minute) if any of their friends game their tastes haven't trickled down to my kids at all. I feel like I am probably more responsible for what they are interested in rather than any outside influences (Gamepass has been great at just letting them try different things) but that could also be me deluding myself into thinking that they still listen to their dad.
The one exception is Minecraft. My youngest started playing it this past summer and found out that her best friend also plays is so they play together frequently. Eventually my oldest caught the bug and it's actually awesome to see my kids playing coop together.
I would like to see a follow up from Mark in a few months to see if it was just Roblox that was being an issue or does Fortnite (or whatever else the kid group gets into) eventually lead to the same spot? If it doesn't I wonder what it was about Roblox that caused the reaction instead of something like Fornite (which has a big skins economy as well), especially since it seems like the peer pressure would nominally be the same.
I've definitely told Mark to keep in touch, because I'm curious about this, as well! I do think Roblox, specifically, is more extractive than Fortnite.
We've been fairly lucky with my daughter who is heading for 10 now. We allow Roblox, but she plays on the main TV or my PC in the main room, so we can keep an eye on what's going on at all times. And other than bickering with her one friend the play is fairly positive.
They mostly play weird role-plays and she also directs some of the kids, mostly school friends. in some of the other games. I quite like the spirit of cooperation they play in.
She gets a small amount of Robux on her birthday and Christmas and she knows that asking any other time will get a hard 'No.'
She did get scammed once in Adopt Me. so that was a hard lesson. Most of her first bundle of Robux was lost in a 'Trust Trade' but she won't make that mistake again.
But we play Fortnite a lot more together now, and that's fun. I bought her first Battle Pass and she now has to earn her own V-Bucks for the next one.
My oldest (8) is really into games, but we've been lucky with her so far. She's really into Splatoon 2/3, and the most we have to have conversations about are the things people post to the Miiverse-like system that only still exists in Splatoon. She's also good about putting games down when we ask or asking about specific games on the Switch or PC before trying to play them.
The most this article resonates is that we had to talk about whether she could watch The Simpsons, which shows up because Disney Plus parent settings to 'PG/TV-PG' allow it through (have to allow PG movies for Moana/Frozen/Frozen 2, but can't also block TV-PG). I feel a little like a stick in the mud about it, but also recall enough of the adult themes that she ought to wait another 2 years and watch with Mom or Dad.
We've been lucky to avoid Roblox here, but I suspect parent oversight is extremely high in her class as we're in a 'crunchier' area where screen time is probably observed more closely on average.
(Youngest doesn't really care and only wants to do what her sister does, but is mostly fine just watching her play Mario Kart, Splatoon, Animal Crossing. etc.)
Damn, you're lucky school hasn't tilted Roblox in your direction yet. Feels like that's where a lot of the pressure comes from: less to do with Roblox itself, more where your friends are.
We got my 8yo son an iPad for Christmas this year since that was the one thing he wanted. The topic of Roblox has come up, and that has been the one game I've made the No decision on, based on how predatory it seems on in-game transactions. Instead I got him the Apple Arcade subscription, and he's had so many games to play from that which has kept him way more occupied on his tablet time.
He has also been doing Scouts, sports at the YMCA (all his own choice to do I might add), and gets his homework done first thing, so I'm pretty lenient on tablet or video game time on the Switch or PS5.
Very good article and I'm thankful Patrick was able to hop on a podcast with Vinny a few months back so I could learn of the newsletter's existence.
I've been fortunate that my 6 year old has only been pushed by his peers to try out Minecraft and the creative mode there seems perfectly reasonable. But we've definitely seen a week once or twice where he'll play a few days in a row and turning it off becomes a fight. For us that is a good sign that we need to take an extended break and the balance has quickly been restored. But certainly a struggle for each individual kid and family so great to hear how others handle it.
Great read. My son's only 2.5, so his only experience with games is either watching me play them (and I'm strict about not playing violent or otherwise adult games in front of him. I mainly play racing games and first party nintendo games when he's around) and pokpok and sago mini world on my ipad. We've already had to have a talk about limiting his playtime because he was losing interest in other stuff, but I'm real nervous about when he gets older and has friends trying to convince him to play certain things.
I'm so conflicted about it though, because I absolutely was one of those kids where video games became my entire life, and I never tried sports in school. But I was still super social, did well in school and college, and have lots of friends and a successful career in my 30s. So I always feel conflicted about trying to limit screen time when "I turned out fine" (whatever that means)
I get it, Alex. It's even worse for me, because my job ORBITS around video games. Ultimately, I think it's about the behavior of your kid. Are they maintaining friendships? Do they have other interests? You can substitute "Roblox" for any number of things. It's mostly about monitoring behavior imo
I wonder if the second punch in the face (after having kids) is letting your kids interact with other kids. 😂
Certainly a great way to get sick.
For my family, a lot of what gets a No is certain television shows. That and "unsupervised YouTube" which I saw the grandparents allowing. I appreciate content like this though because I'm sure I'll need to be aware of games like this soon enough. I'll just cherish the moments of Mario Kart we play together nowadays.
Yeah, this happens with my mother, too.
Unsupervised Youtube is definitely the one I'm most worried about. My 4 year old kiddo is into Numberblocks and started asking about Mario due to some Youtube ads, and the algorithm eventually got into custom 'dungeons' that were much creepier than any *actual* mario games.
We had a talk with them about why we're not watching those anymore and gave the app a good scrub - thankfully no more of that.
Everyone else is playing it has never been a good rationale, why do we allow it for our digital spaces? Great piece Patrick!
Both my 10 and 12 year old play Roblox and I mostly allow it because of what has been previously mentioned: this is their way of socialization.
We live in a town that is pretty geographically large, so arranging play dates and transporting them everywhere has a higher cost than some time on Roblox. Sure, I'd love to have the ability to send them off to play with their friends or host their friends here, but the reality is that my wife and I have full-time jobs which require attention. Sometimes we are working at home, sometimes at the office...the logistics just don't work out.
One unintended consequence of both of them dipping into the Roblox space, is that they are both more aware of each others friend groups and what dynamics are taking place. They make sure the other is being treated well and that they are treating their friends well, too. Granted, it is more the older monitoring the younger, but I do feel a general sense of increased consciousness of the social interactions that happen in that space.
I've also relented on the Robux topic. My kids get money through chores, birthdays, holidays and we've let them make decisions on how to spend that money. If they spend their money on some digital animal in Roblox, that means they can't buy that game on the Switch or the sketch book + pens they wanted. I'm on the fence about how effective that lesson has been, but I don't think it the Robux decision has been terribly detrimental. (At least not yet.)
I really appreciate you writing about this stuff. As a life long gamer with a three year old it’s such an important topic that no one discusses.
Thanks for reading!
Enjoyed the insights here and hearing the experience of other parents!
Thank you. <3
Very insightful. I have a different perspective on this, as when I was much younger, almost 2 decades ago, I was in a similar position to this child - except for me, World of Warcraft was what I was banned from by my parents, not Roblox. WoW was what all my friends at school played, and it was how we connected. That’s why I spent so much time playing, combined with the fact that back then, the game was a fresh new world to explore, full of possibilities (and devoid of micro transactions aside from the monthly subscription fee, meaning that effort and skill more closely tied to rewards).
Years after being prohibited from playing the game, I had the opportunity to start again, in a new era and with a new set of friends. Because I had spent years away from the game, yearning to play, I felt as though I had to make up for lost time. I had more freedom in my life and nobody could tear me away ever again. A new, yet familiar addiction had taken root and this time, it went on for much longer than when I first started playing the game. I only stopped because I felt as though I had accomplished all the things I wanted to accomplish, not because of an external force pulling me away.
To put it shortly, I know that it’s hard for parents to make these kinds of decisions - your article is very clear about the thought process from a parent’s point of view and I really appreciate that. However, I do think that depending on the child, these kinds of events and decisions may have unanticipated ripple effects in the future that may be worse than the initial event. For the sake of everyone involved, I hope I’m wrong!
I think this is why my advice is to engage with the video game, understand it from their perspective. You might still come to the same conclusion, like saying "no," but at least do so with real information, rather than handwaving something you don't understand as bad.
I have said no to Roblox for my girls (10 & 7) but it really hasn't come up within their friend groups as far as I can tell, they haven't asked about playing it for a long time anyways. And really besides one exception (which I will get to in a minute) if any of their friends game their tastes haven't trickled down to my kids at all. I feel like I am probably more responsible for what they are interested in rather than any outside influences (Gamepass has been great at just letting them try different things) but that could also be me deluding myself into thinking that they still listen to their dad.
The one exception is Minecraft. My youngest started playing it this past summer and found out that her best friend also plays is so they play together frequently. Eventually my oldest caught the bug and it's actually awesome to see my kids playing coop together.
I would like to see a follow up from Mark in a few months to see if it was just Roblox that was being an issue or does Fortnite (or whatever else the kid group gets into) eventually lead to the same spot? If it doesn't I wonder what it was about Roblox that caused the reaction instead of something like Fornite (which has a big skins economy as well), especially since it seems like the peer pressure would nominally be the same.
I've definitely told Mark to keep in touch, because I'm curious about this, as well! I do think Roblox, specifically, is more extractive than Fortnite.
We've been fairly lucky with my daughter who is heading for 10 now. We allow Roblox, but she plays on the main TV or my PC in the main room, so we can keep an eye on what's going on at all times. And other than bickering with her one friend the play is fairly positive.
They mostly play weird role-plays and she also directs some of the kids, mostly school friends. in some of the other games. I quite like the spirit of cooperation they play in.
She gets a small amount of Robux on her birthday and Christmas and she knows that asking any other time will get a hard 'No.'
She did get scammed once in Adopt Me. so that was a hard lesson. Most of her first bundle of Robux was lost in a 'Trust Trade' but she won't make that mistake again.
But we play Fortnite a lot more together now, and that's fun. I bought her first Battle Pass and she now has to earn her own V-Bucks for the next one.
That's really cool to hear! It lines up with how my oldest has been with Roblox, thankfully, too.
My oldest (8) is really into games, but we've been lucky with her so far. She's really into Splatoon 2/3, and the most we have to have conversations about are the things people post to the Miiverse-like system that only still exists in Splatoon. She's also good about putting games down when we ask or asking about specific games on the Switch or PC before trying to play them.
The most this article resonates is that we had to talk about whether she could watch The Simpsons, which shows up because Disney Plus parent settings to 'PG/TV-PG' allow it through (have to allow PG movies for Moana/Frozen/Frozen 2, but can't also block TV-PG). I feel a little like a stick in the mud about it, but also recall enough of the adult themes that she ought to wait another 2 years and watch with Mom or Dad.
We've been lucky to avoid Roblox here, but I suspect parent oversight is extremely high in her class as we're in a 'crunchier' area where screen time is probably observed more closely on average.
(Youngest doesn't really care and only wants to do what her sister does, but is mostly fine just watching her play Mario Kart, Splatoon, Animal Crossing. etc.)
Damn, you're lucky school hasn't tilted Roblox in your direction yet. Feels like that's where a lot of the pressure comes from: less to do with Roblox itself, more where your friends are.
We got my 8yo son an iPad for Christmas this year since that was the one thing he wanted. The topic of Roblox has come up, and that has been the one game I've made the No decision on, based on how predatory it seems on in-game transactions. Instead I got him the Apple Arcade subscription, and he's had so many games to play from that which has kept him way more occupied on his tablet time.
He has also been doing Scouts, sports at the YMCA (all his own choice to do I might add), and gets his homework done first thing, so I'm pretty lenient on tablet or video game time on the Switch or PS5.
Nice, that's great to hear! I really do love Apple Arcade, specifically because it feels safe.
Very good article and I'm thankful Patrick was able to hop on a podcast with Vinny a few months back so I could learn of the newsletter's existence.
I've been fortunate that my 6 year old has only been pushed by his peers to try out Minecraft and the creative mode there seems perfectly reasonable. But we've definitely seen a week once or twice where he'll play a few days in a row and turning it off becomes a fight. For us that is a good sign that we need to take an extended break and the balance has quickly been restored. But certainly a struggle for each individual kid and family so great to hear how others handle it.
Aw, thanks for coming by! And, yes, when tension over "more time" becomes a fight, that's often a sign of taking some further steps.
Great read. My son's only 2.5, so his only experience with games is either watching me play them (and I'm strict about not playing violent or otherwise adult games in front of him. I mainly play racing games and first party nintendo games when he's around) and pokpok and sago mini world on my ipad. We've already had to have a talk about limiting his playtime because he was losing interest in other stuff, but I'm real nervous about when he gets older and has friends trying to convince him to play certain things.
I'm so conflicted about it though, because I absolutely was one of those kids where video games became my entire life, and I never tried sports in school. But I was still super social, did well in school and college, and have lots of friends and a successful career in my 30s. So I always feel conflicted about trying to limit screen time when "I turned out fine" (whatever that means)
I get it, Alex. It's even worse for me, because my job ORBITS around video games. Ultimately, I think it's about the behavior of your kid. Are they maintaining friendships? Do they have other interests? You can substitute "Roblox" for any number of things. It's mostly about monitoring behavior imo