Hey, Big Shock: Moms Play Lots of Video Games, Too

A new survey reveals what most of us probably already know, but conversations with moms reveal a more complicated story about not wanting to talk about their hobby.

Photo by Eugene Chystiakov on Unsplash

Everyone plays games. We know this: more than 191 million people in the U.S., or 57.3-percent of the population, play games. But it’s interesting to learn about who that “everyone” is. One category: moms. 75-percent of moms are playing games, according to a recent survey by the website BabyCenter, an online resource for prospective parents, expecting parents, current parents, caregivers, and everything in-between.

Importantly, the survey of 403 moms found that 75-percent are playing games solo, in addition to the time they spend playing with their family. Seven-in-10 moms reported playing with family, too. It also not shocking learn, then, that for a good portion of moms—28-percent—it’s a daily activity, too.

“I'm honestly surprised that the numbers are that high for mothers who game solo; I certainly haven't met any,” said Amelia Graham-McCann, a 35-year-old mom from Seattle, Washington with a one-year-old daughter and three-year-old son. “I play daily while the kids are asleep (either after bedtime or during naps), primarily on PC or console. [...] It makes me wonder if there's more stigma about talking about gaming for moms than there are for dads.”

This was a common refrain from moms I spoke to, all of whom are part of Crossplay’s community: where are these gaming moms? The stereotype of the guy with a kitted out man cave full of TVs is well established, but it appears those stereotypes have consequences that go much deeper, and are actively preventing moms from openly talking about something they’re all doing in their private lives: playing video games.

“I've never actually organically met another mom in person who knows much about games beyond ‘my kid plays Roblox, whatever that is uncomfortable laughter” said Tammy, a 40-year-old mother with an eight-year-old son from Houston, Texas. “I can't say I see 1 out of 3 or 4 of the moms I know playing games! Where are they? Is my area just weird? Do we as moms just not bring it up? Maybe. I know I am hesitant to because it's super awkward to talk about games with a non-gamer and come off as a respectable adult. It's one of my favorite hobbies though and I wish there was less stigma attached to it.”

Interestingly, I’ve gone most of my adult life not having many friends who actively play games. I know plenty of people online who play games, a mixture of friends and colleagues, but day to day, I barely talk about video games. There are exceptions, of course. Tears of the Kingdom was such a big moment earlier this year that it broke through and became the thing to talk about, even among dads hanging out in garages.

Growing up as video games became pop culture, they quickly became a mainstay in our house, dating back to my parents buying a dedicated Pong machine. That became the NES, then the SNES, etc. My dad would occasionally play Tecmo Bowl with us because his job involved sports, but the only game that ever hooked my own mom was Tetris. The pull was so intense that, at one point, she asked me to hide the Game Boy before I went to school, lest she lose an entire morning to those addictive blocks.

“We may not have been paying attention to mom gamers simply because they were overlooked for so long,” said BabyCenter senior research analyst Lauren LaCross, “perceived as someone to be won over at the point of purchase as a key decision maker when marketing games to the children, rather than a potential player or sizable demographic to target, themselves.”

Because games have become so culturally pervasive, there is no universal experience.

“Am I supposed to be shocked by 3/4ths of moms being gamers when it seems to me that 3/4 of everyone is playing games,” said Laura, a 31-year-old mother of a three-year-old boy in Minnesota. “That implication of mothers is annoying. It’s mothers doing a normal thing. If we were defining gamers in a way that excluded mobile games or more accessible games, that might be different. I don’t think 3/4 of moms would use the term ‘gamer’ to describe themselves, but that’s a bit of a different question.”

For sure, the survey has a “gosh, moms can game too?” vibe, but that kind of pitch is what gets someone like me to take a closer look and wonder what the survey is saying.

“My many issues with this survey aside, it is sort of my experience,” said Jessica, a mother of a 2-year-old daughter in Connecticut,  “I do play games to unwind and have me-time after bedtime or during a nap, and I play games on my phone. Though if that was the only way I played I personally don't know if I would consider myself a ‘gamer.’  Not to say you can't, just in my brain playing a match 3 to kill time or have something to do with your hands while you watch a TV show isn't the same. I wish this survey had more details, like what kind of games are moms buying themselves, it can't just be phone games.”

Unfortunately, BabyCenter couldn’t tell me what games the mom surveyed were playing, an important note given the rise of mobile games. The definition of a “game” is eye of the beholder, as Candy Crush Saga is as much a game as Starfield in 2023. 

The survey did reveal the majority of gaming is on a mobile device (74-percent), versus a console (29-percent), PC (26-percent), or a handheld like the Switch (25-percent).

One observation a mom shared with me: she hears more about tabletop and board games than video games because they’re a social experience, and “are naturally not hidden.” Interesting!

For reference, here’s how BabyCenter said it conducted the survey:

“The Everyday Health Group Pregnancy & Parenting Talk to Moms® Monthly Poll was conducted by Everyday Health Group – Pregnancy and Parenting between June 1 and 3. We surveyed 403 U.S. respondents aged 18-44 who are currently pregnant or have at least one child up to 5 years old. The survey was fielded among the Dynata Research Panel.”

Even Crossplay is not immune to some of the issues raised by the survey. One mom who reads Crossplay and hangs out in our community Discord (a perk for subscribing!) because it’s a chance to “pal around with other gamer parents,” while another admitted to feeling “intimidated” because it “sometimes feels like a ‘dad zone’” 

I’d like Crossplay to be an open space for moms, dads, etc. It’s also OK to just hang out in the Discord and not feel any pressure to chat! But I do want it to feel like a place where anyone can hang out and feel welcomed, so if that’s not the case, let me know.

What’s been your experience? What have you observed about the relationship different moms in your life have to games? Moms out there, do you feel that stigma?

Have a story idea? Want to share a tip? Got a funny parenting story? Drop Patrick an email.

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Also:

• My wife does not play video games. She has nothing against them, mind you, and hey, they’ve helped us buy a house! We did play a bunch of Telltale games together.

• Parents, do you play games together? My wife and I bonded over horror movies, so that’s our gaming equivalent—we always watch a new horror movie together.

• My oldest tells her teachers I play games for work, and I’m convinced they think I’m just someone who sits at home all day playing games. Not entirely wrong.